By Max Weissman


One of the most frequently asked questions I receive is how the Dakota's became split.

Now there are no stupid questions but there are stupid people.With that being said I will not

lower myself to those people and write for them, but rather write for the modern millionaire.

Before you proceed reading this masterpiece of a piece legally I must advise you that

you should not be reading this while driving or operating heavy machinery. And you must ask

your doctor if your heart is healthy is enough for the emotional death sentence that this story will

bring to you.

   So with that out of the way here is the story of how the Dakota's came to be.

A little bit of history:


White. That is the word that can easily be used to describe what the Dakota once was.

Something that the history books do not share with the common folk is the true reasoning for the

end of the civil war. It is none of the Robert E. Lee bullshit but rather the South and the North

being inspired by the one united Dakota that they decided to stop fighting and try to be more like

the Dakota.   

It was the place to settle with a family unless of course you were jewish, black, or really

any minority. On the first Sunday of every month they would hold a delightful cross burning on

every town green. This was were families could dress up in their nightgowns after being in their

Sunday best, and just relax circling around the fire then sitting down to here a guest speaker or

two. But over time they were only aloud to burn one cross for every five towns, because

scientist convinced officials that the cross burnings were the number one reason for Global


But most importantly there were no fences. Kids and Denzel Washington would be free to run

around going yard to yard. It was perfect.   

 A lot bit more of history:


One day Josh took it upon himself to make a purchase of a brand new minority. Josh

was one of the happiest fellows around. At the country clubs he couldn’t stop talking of his new

purchase. Over time people started to get a little annoyed with him. And he overheard the head

council discussing taking away his new purchase as an example how one shall not brag.

Terrified of this ever happening Josh built a small garden fence that no bunny could ever

get across.     

His backyard neighbor Dan took this personally. So in response he built a level four

security wall with barbed wire fencing on to of the 20 foot high brick wall with sniper holes and

automatic 50 cal. Machine guns on top of his roof to look into the view of his neighbors yard.

After that the rest was history.  Neighbors started to join in, and within a week there was

one great wall cutting the Dakota in half. Over this week there was one death. Gary was

mistaken for a government official trying to cross the wall, so he was shot on sight. This didn’t

cause to much disturbance because no one really liked Gary. He was kind of a dick.  

The only other deaths publicly released were of a man in a watchtower who had a heart

attack and proceeded to fall on a mother with her two children Frederick and Ugenstein killing

them all. What at the time thought to be a small incident could of matter in fact caused WW III.

Luckily this did not happen because the puppy that was walking his humans was unharmed

physically. But after months of mental therapy he fully recovered. He proceeded to be honored

by the highest medal of honor from both countries for his perseverance.

A dabble of the modern day:

Ever since the Berlin incident the Dakotas have been receiving less and less attention.

But the thing that really took the Dakotas off of the front page was the damn Korias. People

don’t understand how the once great Dakota doesn't seem to exist anymore. It is scientifically

proven that since the Korean war the amount of people who knew someone from Dakota has

dwindled to zero. You can ask any fellow on the street and no one knows who currently lives in

the Dakotas.  

People often end up in south and north Dakota on accident and from their accounts they

only see other tourist. This is because the people of the Dakotas have mainly been put in work

camps for their bad behavior. Only the lucky few who have grandfathered or have been lucky

enough to acquire visas have been aloud to travel outside the borders.

This is still going on today but yet the government and the people of this nation decide to

ignore it. They ignore it because they don’t want to see the truth. The truth is to ugly for the

common folk. Instead they choose to pay attention to theories like the issues with North and

South Korea.

This is what people are afraid to see that maybe the United States isn't as perfect as

they think it is. And matter in fact we are just as bad as some of these other nations.

So for telling you the ugly but needed truth, your welcome.