Dear peter pan

By Joanna Heath


Sleep escapes my sweaty grasp

Fresh air, cool water seem like delicacies

Stumbling feet greet the floor

Moving to the glass then the faucet

Stumbling forward through the darkness

Sweaty palms meet the pane

Chilling sticky fingertips on a frosty embrace

 

Looking up into the window, curls fly in the breeze

Stars align perfectly as if to lift me into dreams

Eyes notice that second star

Wishing he would come sprinkle me with happy thoughts

Hoping he felt my disturbance

Searching for his juvenile shadow

Laughter our only music

 

Oh, Peter, I am not your beloved

I am not daintily sleeping drenched in white silk

Not horribly kind hearted

Not unwilling to see the bad in anyone

My hair frizzes in the heat resting on my pillow

Pores fill with liquid fear

Eyes searching in the dark for opened armed monsters wearing smiles

 

I wish for knowledge beyond your years to come over you

That your juvenile shadow wouldn’t reflect who you are

I need you to know sleeping evades me every night

Only because I need to rescue my mind

I close my eyes, searching for a hand

Only to meet the shadow of a boy refusing to grasp me

A boy refusing to become a man

 

Being a child is brilliance

Seeing, leaping, jumping without question

Feeling deeply, naïve to heartache, falling deeply

Oh, Peter, I know you don’t wish to grow, only to fly

Childhood makes life an effortless wandering adventure

But I’ve seen your eyes meet mine in the darkest of nights

And because of this I must ask what promised to never

 

My dear, my dear, fearless and brave

Come back to me, be here, save me

I wait by windows nightly hoping for you to understand

 

Grow without me Peter, leave me ageless

Ageless together down to the day, six years away

Trade with me for half a dozen years so we may reunite at that second star

I will live thinking only of you

Keeping lost boys out of trouble, living on pixie dust

Drinking in the smell of you until I may hold you again

Waiting at last for eternity to begin