I would'nt

By Naomi McPeters


When did the words fly out the window and leave me breathless

Voiceless

I think it was when

The shutters stopped banging and the breeze stopped playing

With the branches and the leaves

And life started hurting

***

Suddenly words lost their meaning when coming from my mouth

But coming from another's they were two-edged swords

A rope for strangulation, a cord

Squeezing breath from my bones

My chest screaming, my heart beating loudly beneath

The glare of furious eyes that glistened like the ocean's waters at sunset

As my soul died with its setting

The harsh glare slowly disappearing

The cold settling in and the ice freezing over

Like a blanket covers a sleeping child in the cold

***

But life slowly flows

Beneath the surface of a frozen ocean

Antarctica, at least, has the heartbeat of a thousand seals

But mine was forever sealed it seemed

The galaxy, at least, has the light of a thousand moons

While a thousand pens lay silent, unused

America, at least, has the sharpened edge of a thousand steeples

A Word, no one has defeated

While mine was.

*** 

I know these words don't make sense but I won't stop them

Because they were stopped before from taking their natural form

Instead coming out like drops of blood and tearstained eyes

Stained from holding back everything inside

It's unnatural

To keep a story buried with the bones of dead men from ancient times

Because stories are born from an absence and that

Was the absence of an indicator of life

Words come from a gap in language

Silence from the gap in sound

So much sound

***

I know none of this makes sense right now

But it will. I promise you, it will.

When the gaps are all filled, when sound and silence with no fury come together in perfect balance and 

harmony

Words will return to power and speak softly, gently, mightily

Like a booming echo through the tavern of our souls

The river flows

Cutting through valleys and canyons relentless, in perfect control

Yet wildly balancing nature

These words have no power alone

But together with the symphony of time will gather and swell

Rushing in like the tide

Consuming and dousing the burning fire in those eyes

As the cord releases its stranglehold

And the absence is no longer a hole

But a canyon

As the story breaks through

Can you hear it? Life?

 ***

Life--what do you make of that?

As red mixed with Cherry Wine

Saluting to the skies that rain ashes of dead men upon the thirsty ground

Life--what do you make of that?

As children's cries echo against the bright blue sky

Filled with streamers because another year came

And Ryan Seacrest is still wearing his earmuffs

Life--what do you make of that?

When the words to describe it won't come because it's so good and so evil

Because a child on the playground doesn't want to go home

To see his mother being beaten

What does it mean?

When the drizzling rain falls on deaf ears and sightless eyes with no eyelids

When breath begins beneath the frozen skies and rising sun's rays

When death shouts for joy because it lived to see a new beginning

Wars ending.

Wars never end.

Life--glitters beneath the blackened skies filled with bullet holes letting in the light

They say sorrow is better shared than experienced alone

Maria Chapman run over in her driveway at only 5 years old

Her brother cradling her body as she lies crumpled and bloodied, alone

No one shared

Her sorrow.

And you say words are worth it.

 ***

Don't let go.

Close the shutters on the windows

Let the wind breathe in and take the wildness behind those burning eyelids

So the words can come

Life--what do you make of it when an astronaut's eyes behold the majesty of the sunrise

Over the blue and green of earth's horizon?

As the galaxies pour forth their stars in splendor

Arrayed as if they were placed there

Life--what do you make of it when that child laughs and light returns

To those lowered eyes once buried in shame?

When the sun's rays pierce like swords through the frozen ocean's arteries

And the wind blows beneath your feet so light because you're dancing

***

Tell me, I know the sun shines in winter

I know the frozen rain pelts our bruised shoulders

Believe me, I know

I know peace and calamity come hand in hand together

One hits, before you know it, the other

Believe me, I know

I know the bloodstained snow sparkles in winter

I know the branches tremble, shadows in the firelight

I know that before darkness ever existed first there was light

There was light.

Still, I would never trade my pen for the moon

If it meant my words would lose their power

If it meant the ashes of my poems would be strewn

Across the sea with the bones of their maker

I wouldn't.