By Max Weissman

Chapter 1:     Introduction

Chapter 1.5:     Infiltration

Chapter 1.6:    The murders    

Chapter 3:    The psychopath

Chapter 4:    Ooops

Chapter 5:    Oh  

Chapter 2:    The secrets secret  


Under the influence of paper these men and women stood no chance. That was the first

line from the police report from Sgt. Deputy four star General  McGeary. In this mini series of

chapters I will dig deeper into the supercuts files than any man outside the investigation has

ever gone before.

I will be risking everything to find the truth and reveal to the public what the government

has been hiding for all these years. Although I might not be a hero to the public eye now, after

my death two hundred and forty thousand copies of this book will be automatically air dropped

from space to people all across the world.

My alias will be Rick Cheney, born in 1942 not 1941 and I am 5’9 not 5’8. The year is

2001 and I will begin my infiltration tomorrow to learn more about the supercut file to finally

expose the truth.    

…...…...Your welcome.

Chapter 1.5:        Infiltration

Day 1:       

To get to the files I knew I needed to get to the top and I needed to get their fast.

Being a man of stealth and great skill when it comes to infiltrating governments luckily I

knew of an elaborate way to get to the place I needed to be. Unknown to the public

because of the complicity of it I gave the president at the time ( who shall remain

nameless for his safety) an undisclosed amount of stolen jet fuel to sell on the black

market to help fund his campaign and two gift cards to apple bees.

Day 2:

I have gotten the position as vice president and no one suspects a thing.

Year 8:

It has been eight years and I fear this may be my last year to get the files.

Serving as Vice President I have been able to fly under the radar especially in the

public's eye. Tomorrow I will be setting out to Iraq to retrieve the files from one of our

trusted allies. These files are worth dying for and I will make sure even if it is the last

thing I do that the truth shall prevail.


Chapter 1.6:    The murders    


Under the mercy of paper these men and women stood no chance. From each of the

three bodies we found across the country they all had something in common. After much review

of the crimes scenes and the autopsies it has been determined their cause of death had been a

paper cut. This has caused us to believe we have a level five psychopath on our hand. Our

main subjects is a man who goes by the name Rob Schneider. After reviewing years of film the

United States Government Secret Secret agency has discovered psychopathic tendencies.

After reviewing pictures from the crime scene we proceeded to reenact how we the

Secret Secret Agency believed the crimes were carried out.

Murder Uno:

Gender: 42 and 34

Race: A dark white

Height: 6 ‘3ish but could pass for 6’4

Date: September 24, 1999

Name: Undecided, but he looks like a jeff

 Mr. Schneider walks in to undecideds home at around forty hundred hours wearing a ski mask

and wearing all black, including a turtle neck that looks like he got it out of his mother's closet.

Undecided knows nothing he is upstairs reading to himself in the corner of his room. Mr.

Schneider searches the house and he won’t stop until he finds undecided. It seems to be that

Mr. Schneider is carrying a 12 gauge shotgun and a whole lot of paper. We are still unsure how

he did it man he must of snuck up on undecided and cut  his middle toe with paper. That cut

was the only and final blow. At the crime scene there was blood everywhere. We believe that

Mr. Schneider is apart of the Turkish special forces due to his deadly skill with paper.

Murder Dos:

Gender: Male

Race: Larry Bird white

Height: 6 ‘9

Date: March 29, 1984

Name: Garry Bird, no relation to larry bird

Garry Bird was one of us, he was one of the best g-d damn agents we have ever had is this

secret secret government agency. And we lost him. We lost him to the damn Turks and their

special forces. Schneider saw him drinking his mocha latte cholotte beveta outside and then

BAM! With his shotgun he picks up a pile of paper. At this point Garry didn’t stand a chance. It

was to late. By the time the secret secret medics got their he was all paper cutted up, there was

no one who could save him. Not only did half of us pledge our vengeance but we decided that

the best decision was to cut off his head there and put it on ice. In order to do this we got our

budget increases 2 million dollars. With that we put things like a new secret secret basketball

court and hot tub in name for Garry and Garry only. Because it is in his name we all pledged to

never play on his courtand to never go into his hot tub. They were built for Garry and only Garry.

Murder Tres:

Gender: Female

Race: Women

Height: 5’9

Weight: 154

Date: April 1, 2018

Name:  Alice

He came. He cut. He left.

    Chapter 3/4:    The psychopath/Oops

    We have been watching Rob Schneider for more than a couple years now. We knew

something was up when he stopped growing in middle school at 5’4. So we have spent over

1.2663 million of our secret budget on an investigations. After years of hard observations we

finally gave in. He was innocent. Or so we thought. We should of kept an eye on him and then

just maybe none of those people or Gary would of ever died.

We decided to take action. After being drugged profusely Mr. Schneider wouldn't give up

any information. He must of been one of the Turks best men, he was trained so well he would

act like her enjoyed the drugs. This reminded us of Gary, and how Gary would always use our

crack for our integrations on himself. He said it was to make him stronger and when he is

captured he by the turks he will be prepared. This memory just made us miss Gary even more

so we cut off Mr. schneider finger for fingerprints. That didn’t go to well when the finger was to

bloody. So we just used one of his attached fingers.

This is where the oops comes in. Turns out it wasn’t Mr. Schneider at all. So who could it

be? Well we don’t know. So we will be re visiting all crime scenes and re doing all autopsies.  

Chapter 5:    Oh

After much review of the autopsies, crime scenes, and fingerprints turns out the

murders were done by someone on the inside. This inside guy was Bradley cooper. After

review of everything it turns out that he is a lot smarter than we thought. He actually shot

all victims in the head with a 12 gauge shotgun.  So we went on a hunt for Mr. Cooper so

we can get justice done for Gary.

Chapter 2:    The secrets secret

Once we caught up with Mr. Cooper at the airport he explained how it was just

big misunderstanding. He was actually apart of something much bigger the secret secret

secret government agency. So we let him go.

As we saw his plane fly away we shot it down with turkish missiles. We didn’t

believe him for a second. Before I gave the order to shoot it down I said to myself  “ This

one is for you Garry”. A total of 324 women and children were killed that day and one

one man was and that was Bradley Cooper. Our mission was done, and of course we

would go unnoticed and get no credit. Instead of how we saved the day in the front cover

of all the magazines and Newspapers is wsa how the Turks committed one of the

biggest terrorist attacks this country has ever seen and how the possibility of war is close

by. Only if they knew the truth, or at least if they knew Garry than maybe than and only

then they would understand.       

        If the secret secret secret government agency did exist I would of been the first one to

know about it. “This one's for Bradley” (Gun noise, feel free to be creative what you think it

sounded like)