We gotta ghost

By Savannah Lanz


Characters

Brock – college student, writer, a tad bit arrogant

Fitz – college student, writer, calm and collected

Hazel – college student, writer, mouthy and carefree

Marina – college student, writer, soft-spoken, smart, has glasses

Ghost

 

Setting

A college library around midnight. Brock and Fitz are seated around a circle table. Fitz is hunched over a book on the desk and Brock is fiddling with a pen, his legs are propped up on the table.

 

BROCK

Jesus Christ where are they?

 

FITZ

Chill, they’ll be here

 

BROCK

When I call a meeting I expect my writers to show up

 

FITZ

Brock, when we made you president of our club we didn’t expect you to take it so seriously

 

BROCK

Being President is a full time job, even for some small writers club

 

FITZ

We also didn’t expect you to call midnight meetings

 

BROCK

Ughhhh, my god Fitz you just don’t understand, I have an important topic to discuss with my peers. And after I couldn’t find any of those, I figured you guys would be some help

 

FITZ

Gee, my heart is touched

 

BROCK

As it should be

                                                                                                            Silence

Where the fuck are they?

 

                                                                                                           Hazel and Marina enter

 

HAZEL

What’s up bitches

 

BROCK

Hazel you’re late

 

HAZEL

Bite me.

 

FITZ

Hey Marina

 

MARINA

                                                                                                        (Small wave at Fitz)

Hi Fitz

 

BROCK

Okay so I have asked y’all to come here because I have this dilemma

 

HAZEL

I’m not a 12-step program

 

BROCK

No you’re just a bitch

 

HAZEL

Tell me something I don’t know

 

BROCK

Anyway, back to the reason I called this meeting. Ghosts.

 

A few moments of silence pass before anyone speaks

 

HAZEL

Ghosts? That is why you called us here? To talk about writing a scary story…

 

BROCK

Yeah like how do they work? What’s their character motivation? Do they even speak?

 

FITZ

Brock… we could have talked about this in the group chat. Or maybe even at our meeting next week. I don’t think this called for an emergency meeting

 

MARINA

Might I add that ghosts aren’t real, so I’m not quite sure how to help you

 

BROCK

Marina, open your mind a bit, be creative. And yes Fitz, this is an emergency because I’ve actually seen one

                       

HAZEL

Don’t bullshit me Brock

 

                        BROCK

I’m not! I saw one. Yesterday and the day before.

 

FITZ

Brock you didn-

 

Blackout, stage lights come back on but are much dimmer than before, the GHOST is standing upstage the library set with a beam of light shining down on it, the writers do not notice

 

GHOST

We talk, just a FYI

 

BROCK

What the fuck


 

HAZEL

Brock what are you doing. Stop.

 

BROCK

I swear to god I’m not doing anything

 

MARINA

I can’t see anything

 

GHOST

Of course, you can’t see anything, you’re the “Velma” of this Mystery Inc.

 

We also make pop culture references

 

HAZEL

This isn’t funny!

 

FITZ

Show yourself!

 

GHOST

But where’s the fun in that?

 

HAZEL

Can you at least turn the lights back on

 

GHOST

No fun in that either

BROCK

Why are you here?

 

GHOST

Because you asked me here Brock

                       

BROCK

I what?

 

                        GHOST

You wanted to know about ghosts

 

BROCK

So you are a ghost hunter?

 

MARINA

            (finally notices the GHOST and points to him)

No. He’s dead.

 

GHOST

BINGO! Velma gets it.

 

                        FITZ

Holy shit

 

HAZEL

A ghost

 

BROCK

Oh my god you talk

GHOST moves down stage and the beam of light shining down on him follows

 

GHOST

Yeah, we talk. None of that Hamlet bull where the Ghost just enters and exits.

 

FITZ

What’s your name?

 

GHOST

See, and I don’t want none of that, none of those stupid Ouija board questions. “Who are you?” “How did you die” “Is there a God?”, I’m not here to answer that shit. I just want you to have an accurate representation of ghosts.

 

MARINA

This is impossible. You aren’t real.

 

GHOST

Sweetheart, I walk around in a glowing light so I know you can see me. I’m real. And not only am I real, but I’m getting really bored too. Here’s what ya gotta know. We talk, we can control lights and shit, and we walk around in this beam of light

                (side steps and the light follows him)

That’s what we do. Don’t mess us up.

 

Blackout, full lights come back on and the ghost is gone

BROCK

Well fuck.

                                                                        SCENE